Life Behind the Highlight Real

Ep 46: The Emotional Roller Coaster of IVF with Kayla Dutton

October 17, 2022 Sarah Huffman & William Huffman Season 1 Episode 46
Ep 46: The Emotional Roller Coaster of IVF with Kayla Dutton
Life Behind the Highlight Real
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Life Behind the Highlight Real
Ep 46: The Emotional Roller Coaster of IVF with Kayla Dutton
Oct 17, 2022 Season 1 Episode 46
Sarah Huffman & William Huffman

This is a part two interview with Kayla Dutton and in this episode, we dive deep into Kayla's struggle to start a family after her husband's near-death accident that left him without sensation from the waist down. 

This was a massive life change at such a young age. Kayla's advice for handling sudden change boils down to 3 things:

1) Family and support system. 
2) Focus on what's important. He's here with no brain damage. 
3) The more you share your story, the more you realize everyone has their problems. 

This accident left them to lean on science to start a family. They started their IVF journey. 

Today we explore the medical process, the emotional pain, the insurance, and her best advice for anyone interested in this path.

Not all of life's plans will transpire precisely the way you planned, but being ultimately thankful for the health and safety of those you love is the only thing that matters. 

Enjoy the episode!    

Reach out to Kayla on IG:

Show Notes Transcript

This is a part two interview with Kayla Dutton and in this episode, we dive deep into Kayla's struggle to start a family after her husband's near-death accident that left him without sensation from the waist down. 

This was a massive life change at such a young age. Kayla's advice for handling sudden change boils down to 3 things:

1) Family and support system. 
2) Focus on what's important. He's here with no brain damage. 
3) The more you share your story, the more you realize everyone has their problems. 

This accident left them to lean on science to start a family. They started their IVF journey. 

Today we explore the medical process, the emotional pain, the insurance, and her best advice for anyone interested in this path.

Not all of life's plans will transpire precisely the way you planned, but being ultimately thankful for the health and safety of those you love is the only thing that matters. 

Enjoy the episode!    

Reach out to Kayla on IG:

William Huffman  0:00  
Hey everybody, William here and Sarah. And we just need to let you know that we are licensed real estate agents in the state of Minnesota with REMAX results of Good Life Group. And that's our legal disclaimer. Everybody, welcome here and today we're speaking with our friend Kayla. She's been on the podcast before, but we're gonna kind of dive into a serious and sensitive subject we're going to talk about IVF in if you don't know what that means, it's okay. We'll teach you.

Kayla Dutton  0:28  
Sometimes I have to remind myself, you know, when I'm having a bad day when both kids are crying when I just like, can't take a breather and like, just remember three years ago, what you would have done to like, have the small

Accouncer  0:38  
Welcome to Life behind the highlight reel. The podcast that takes things beyond the curated life we all see online. Join hosts Sarah and William Huffman as they dive in with their friends to talk about the good and the hard things that come with a real not perfect life behind the highlight reel.

William Huffman  0:57  
Everybody who came here and Sarah Edie Kayla and this is your second year repeat.

Kayla Dutton  1:07  
Doesn't mean I'm any good.

William Huffman  1:09  
Second time on here. That's awesome. Yeah, you know, well,

Sarah Huffman  1:12  
the first time we had Kayla on it was with Matt and Kayla. Yeah, Dutton. Rude. Rude. Yeah. But I really wanted to have Kayla back on because, well, you're a you're awesome. But be and I shouldn't say but also and also, you have an amazing story yourself as well. Well, who

William Huffman  1:31  
knows where we're gonna get to today? Because we don't force stuff on here. Don't make it weird. That's my job. I am really hungry, so I might be a little spicy during this. Oh, Lord,

Sarah Huffman  1:44  
you have a meat chip. I did bring in my meat chips.

Kayla Dutton  1:48  
First time I've ever heard of them.

William Huffman  1:50  
Yeah, they're Yeah, it's

Sarah Huffman  1:52  
they're so good. They're ridiculous. They're so good. I love them. I don't even give you a really good piece. I can tell the difference. Yeah, I can Did you?

William Huffman  2:02  
Did you save the good piece for yourself? No, I

Sarah Huffman  2:04  
just I just reached in and grabbed one I'll have to give you a really good piece of salty one at the bottom Well, it has a little bit more of the fat on it. Which I do not like bristle cone I do not like any of that stuff but in the meat crisp. You need it it's like I could see that it's like dip on a chip.

William Huffman  2:25  
This is this is such such good podcasting information here.

Sarah Huffman  2:30  
You're welcome everybody. Oh

William Huffman  2:30  
my gosh. All right.

Sarah Huffman  2:33  
Let's go not an ad

William Huffman  2:34  
let's go back to the beginning getting getting getting Kayla, tell us about yourself. Where were you born? Where'd you grow up any siblings all that good stuff.

Kayla Dutton  2:43  
All right. I was born in Fridley, Minnesota. So not too far from here. Yep. I've ventured all of like 20 miles. radius of where I originated. I live in a bubble buddy. a homebody I live in my little bubble. Nice. Works. Yes, it does. So yeah, born and raised in Fridley are born in Fridley went to elementary school and Kuhn rapids moved to Andover Cardinals. Yes, yep. And then move to Andover and about third grade.

Sarah Huffman  3:11  
I know what is Andover

William Huffman  3:13  
was the mascot in Andover.

Kayla Dutton  3:16  
I have a dog. Bulldog. Nope.

William Huffman  3:19  
Oh. Labradoodles.

Kayla Dutton  3:22  
super tight. Huskies the fight?

William Huffman  3:25  
Flight and rescue.

Sarah Huffman  3:26  
Kayla knows your stick? Well.

Kayla Dutton  3:28  
I've listened to a podcast. Yeah, awesome. So yes, graduated high school from Andover.

William Huffman  3:35  
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. You just skipped 18 years of your life. Hold the hell on for a second here. Okay. So well

Sarah Huffman  3:45  
said he was gonna be spicy. Yeah. Oh, okay. This is not Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Well,

William Huffman  3:53  
the one movie you actually know. There's a couple up there. All right. So we're born in Fridley? How long did we live there?

Kayla Dutton  4:00  
I actually didn't live in Fridley. I'm just talking about the hospital itself. Um, so I lived in Coon Rapids until third grade. Okay. And then yes, Andover from third grade through high school. So why did you move? Why did we move my parents either wanted to build an addition, which they realized was too expensive. So then they're like, well, let's just go build a new house and go to better schools, quote, unquote, so yeah, moved to Andover. Like a lot of the cool rapids kids did. Okay. And that's where I met my now spouse. No. Skipping ahead,

Sarah Huffman  4:32  
unless you fast forwarding again, unless

William Huffman  4:34  
you met him in the fourth grade. Pretty close. Oh, yeah. This is true. What like seventh or eighth? Yeah. What

Sarah Huffman  4:40  
did you admit first? Not together like date, but like, when did you first meet?

Kayla Dutton  4:45  
I think it was 15 or 16. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, not close. All right. Pretty cool.

William Huffman  4:51  
All right. So we're in Coon Rapids or Andover and we're going to school

Sarah Huffman  4:56  
and we're a husky. We're a homeschool. A CSU. Um,

William Huffman  5:00  
so tell me about a young Kayla, what are you doing when you're that age?

Kayla Dutton  5:04  
Oh gosh, what did I do? So I had a few best friends. I've always been kind of an introvert I hated the social aspect of high school. Which is odd because I decided to be great to join cheerleading even though I'm an introvert. I'm quiet. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. But so I was in cheerleading with my best friend at the time, Miranda and I hated it. I got hit in the head twice with a hockey puck. Yes, I was a hockey leader to learn how to skate. I couldn't skate. So I was the one grabbing onto the wall. What great is this? This was I think ninth grade. Okay. So after that, and then getting hit in the head twice with a hockey puck. While cheerleading, I decided this is not my sport. I'm done. I tried to convince my parents let me quit. But they're like, No, we're not quitters. Like yeah, at least complete the season and I think I did but I tried to guilt trip them with the whole hockey puck incidents, but that didn't work. Yeah, I mean, you

Sarah Huffman  6:00  
feel like I'm cutting cost. Yeah.

William Huffman  6:03  
Catch a puck in the face one time or head whatever. Okay, it was an accident twice. You're just not meant for this. Yeah, definitely walk away. I would. Yeah,

Kayla Dutton  6:12  
yep. Yep. So every time I have a blonde moment or a brain fart, whatever you want to call it, I attribute it to the hockey puck situation.

William Huffman  6:19  
Yeah, that's not a that's a great skip because because

Sarah Huffman  6:21  
I was hit Yeah.

William Huffman  6:25  
That's that could go several ways. That's domestic abuse is bad.

Sarah Huffman  6:29  
Oh my gosh. Well, I wasn't making fun of domestic

Kayla Dutton  6:34  
what I can't even say what and I wasn't making fun of blondes by the way. So I yeah, I mean, I took

Sarah Huffman  6:39  
it personally so yeah, okay, sir. I

Kayla Dutton  6:41  
saw that I roll

Sarah Huffman  6:43  
Oh, here we go again. Should we have cake too?

William Huffman  6:48  
Okay, okay,

Sarah Huffman  6:50  
let's just get it all out. It all on the table on the tables have a meet crisp and talk it out?

William Huffman  6:57  
No, all right. So cool. So we're a freshman in high school

Sarah Huffman  7:00  
and I'd like to hear like after like you were done with the season you just had to like walk it off or walk out of it or whatever.

Kayla Dutton  7:06  
Yeah, it was pretty humiliating just getting you know crying at the varsity hockey game. You know, thinking you're you're cool being a cheerleader, but you're you're balling because you just got hit in the head I guess that's why I never dated a hockey player. They weren't too impressed.

William Huffman  7:20  
They're like nope well The hell with them. Yeah All right. So now now we've we've had an experience with cheerleading now what now what in high school

Kayla Dutton  7:33  
so then we saw junior year I was in it was called step so basically went to an AKA tech for halftime and did like they're their programs and I was never really like at high school and then my senior year I did full time PSEO with my best friend Julia so in the midst of that my best friend who's still my best friend or one of a few of them, Emily her and I were hardcore crushing on my my brother's friends and we were there sober calves. Yeah, pretty close to where Yeah, exact so

William Huffman  8:05  
they're 18 and you're 16 and you're their soul recap

Kayla Dutton  8:09  
Exactly. So most most people our age well not most people some people our age were you know, out partying and whatnot and we we thought it was cool to stay up till till midnight to go pick up our are drunk crushes. pretty pathetic.

William Huffman  8:23  
Oh, man hate No, it takes all kinds takes all kinds. So then how did you meet? Well, oh, no, hold on. Hold on. Oh, well, no. Oh, well, calm down. So you so weren't the athletic type in high school. We kind of found that out. You know, and you're doing PSEO. So we're How would you classify yourself from high school you the nerdy type? Like I know what I was, but

Kayla Dutton  8:51  
I don't know. That's a good question. I was just kind of like the chameleon. Like, I would just talk to whomever I didn't like the gossip, but I had my three to four core group of friends that were still best friends. So yeah, I don't know. Somewhere in the middle. Just I wasn't a big fan of the social scene, though. Yeah. Or the drama.

Sarah Huffman  9:07  
When did you figure out that you were an introvert?

Kayla Dutton  9:10  
Probably middle school high school. Yeah.

Sarah Huffman  9:13  
It like so you recharge by taking time by yourself?

Kayla Dutton  9:17  
Yeah, but it's weird because I also do not like just being at home by myself or just I mean, God bless my family, but like I need to be like out and about to but now with like a large group of people. Yeah. Yeah. It has to be like my close, close peeps, like the people that you trust, correct? Yeah. And can just be myself and

William Huffman  9:34  
I'm just some Randalls off the street. That's what we say in the business. Is it really no.

Sarah Huffman  9:43  
Okay, but when did you meet will?

William Huffman  9:45  
Hold on. She met Matthew before she met me. Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm not I'm not long after I'm only a couple of years after actually. Yeah, that's true.

Kayla Dutton  9:55  
So yeah, so I met Matt when I was 15 or six. Tina and I remember back to my best friend Emily. We were in history class. And she was crushing on my brother's friend Brandon. I was crushing on Matt. And I don't know why. But I wrote her notes during class and said, Oh, when we grow up, we're going to be neighbors. And we're going to be married to Matt and Brandon, and we're going to live next door and deliver cookies to each other. And ironically, here we are, how many years later? 15 years later, both married to them living in the same out of here with two little boys? Yeah.

Sarah Huffman  10:26  
So she married Brandon. Yep.

Kayla Dutton  10:29  
Ah, after some roller coasters, sorry.

William Huffman  10:33  
We all have them. We all have. We will know where

Sarah Huffman  10:37  
you're perfect. Actually, I don't really feel like we have many roller coasters. Like no, not really. No. But okay, so seriously, like, she married Brandon. Yeah. And you married Matt. Yep.

Kayla Dutton  10:52  
But what quite next door but pretty dang close. So

William Huffman  10:55  
we skipped a few things. You said your brothers. Well, you have siblings.

Kayla Dutton  11:00  
I have a brother. Yep. An older brother Cory, who's three years older than me. Yep.

Sarah Huffman  11:04  
I know that. Yeah, I met him but and he now lives in Wisconsin. And yes,

Kayla Dutton  11:08  
sadly, he is like the life of the party. Everyone loves him. There's literally no words to describe him. He's just goofy, but so loving. so caring.

William Huffman  11:16  
He's a good dude. He is He's a good dude. Like for sure if I had a sister. I'd be like, oh, yeah, you can totally date my sister. Like, they can't talk to me about it. Because guys are weird, but you can. Yeah, he's a good dude.

Sarah Huffman  11:26  
Absolutely. Okay, so growing up your name was Kayla I scarica. Nice gear. And now you're Kayla Dutton. But my favorite part is your sister in law's name is

Kayla Dutton  11:38  
Kayla scarica. So sometimes when I'm messaging her on Facebook, I think I'm talking to myself still.

Sarah Huffman  11:47  
Is that it's just my name. Weird. Okay, so what? Oh, okay. Give

William Huffman  11:55  
me a thumbs up. You know, I said I was hungry. Yeah. This is live reporting. Matthews going to get the food. Thank you, man. All the people that are listening to this are going to be super happy to know by the end of this. There will

Sarah Huffman  12:06  
be fed. Yes.

Kayla Dutton  12:08  
And you don't have to resort to meat chips. Yeah.

William Huffman  12:09  
Sarah likes those things.

Sarah Huffman  12:11  
They're really good. Okay, so you meet Matt. So wait. Well, I have questions.

William Huffman  12:18  
I have questions. What do your parents do?

Sarah Huffman  12:20  
Oh my gosh.

Kayla Dutton  12:21  
What do they do now? Are we pretty much are like my live in nanny? No, I'm just kidding. So my mom, my mom was a part time banker who is awesome. She like devoted her whole life to us and still does. My dad was an electrician. He's also awesome. He just, they're just there for us whenever we need them. Yeah. They're also very cool people. They are yes, for sure. Yeah, no, that's

William Huffman  12:45  
it. I just wanted to introduce them to the story, because I've also met I met them well before. So just you know, I'm kind of important. This is all about me. Sorry, sir. I apologize for my outburst. But would you like to next Ask?

Sarah Huffman  12:59  
I thought my mic was turned off. No, it

William Huffman  13:01  
should have I can do that. Okay. Okay, so

Sarah Huffman  13:04  
you met Matt, when you were 15 or 16? And he was 18? Well, or no?

William Huffman  13:11  
Yep. We'll say yeah,

Kayla Dutton  13:12  
he's three and a half years older than me. I like to say four, but he says three. So okay, technically, it's three and a half,

Sarah Huffman  13:17  
but like he was your brother's friend. So how did this transition to like dating? Because that's kind of like a big enough span. And then all of a sudden, you're like, hey, let's date like, how does that happen?

Kayla Dutton  13:28  
So it was probably like six months to a year where Emily, Matt and I would just, like, hang out all the time. And we're just like, really good friends. And then it turned into more and I was like, Okay, well, at this point, you know, I should probably at this time, like, I didn't tell my parents what we were doing or hanging out with them. I was just like, you know, the perfect little, little girl who wouldn't get into any trouble, which I didn't. I didn't think I was getting into trouble. But at some point, we're like, okay, we should either tell my parents and like, make this official or maybe this we shouldn't continue.

Sarah Huffman  13:56  
Okay. True question. Who made the first move?

Kayla Dutton  14:00  
I don't know. I'm sure Matt because he was probably drinking a little bit too much. He might correct me. I don't know. I'd be like, Canelo. No, yeah, no, it's mutual. But he

William Huffman  14:16  
just knew, but he's not here to defend himself. So yeah, sling those rocks.

Sarah Huffman  14:19  
I love it. I love it. Okay, so then you guys, what did your parents say?

William Huffman  14:25  
Oh, we do we do have a visitor with us today. Do you want to introduce who that is? Because he might be waking up and making himself known shortly. Oh,

Kayla Dutton  14:31  
we have my little sidekick. His name is Kalin and he is three months old.

William Huffman  14:36  
So if there's some babies in the background, it's because there's one in the room and we're just going to this is not this is like behind the highlight reel. Not the perfect podcast. So there might be little babies in the background. We hope so. Yeah. Okay. So sorry. Keep going. made the first move. We were talking there. Where are we going? Where were you saying next?

Sarah Huffman  14:55  
Um, so how did you tell your parents? Um, I

Kayla Dutton  14:58  
think it was like one late Of course I I approached my mom before my dad because you know, just how it is. Yep. It was like one late evening I'll sit on the couch and I was like, ah, guess what mom I've been hanging out with when a Corys friends. And I like made her Guess which one it was, I don't know. soften the blow or something. So she like went down the line. And Matt was Korea's friend, but not one of his like best friends. So maybe that made it easier. And she's like guessing a couple of them. I'm like, No, nope. And then she's like, Matt. Yeah. I don't know exactly what she said. But she's like, Oh, well, he's a very respectable guy. And very nice. And we really liked him. But you know, then she gave me the motherly talk and she probably thought it would amount to nothing

Sarah Huffman  15:38  
like it was just like a fling. Yeah, like a high school love. Here we are. How many years later?

Kayla Dutton  15:43  

William Huffman  15:45  
Yeah, it's it's nothing.

Sarah Huffman  15:48  
He's 15 years later. Crazy accident, which you can go back and listen to on a previous podcast to babies. How many houses? Oh, man,

William Huffman  15:57  
you're really skipping ahead. But I like to

Kayla Dutton  15:59  
kind of slow down on the House Situation. We've been in our current house for like, I think four years.

William Huffman  16:04  
It was a townhome and there was a whatever.

Sarah Huffman  16:07  
See, go three. Yeah, we're doing well. You're doing well. Yeah. I love it. Okay, so I actually can I actually ask some more questions. Well, are you going to like well stop me? Oh,

William Huffman  16:18  
well, we're not through high school yet or not. I mean, we're through high school. Go for it. What do we do after high school?

Kayla Dutton  16:25  
Well, I worked at T Mobile throughout high school, I think senior year into like the first couple years of college. So I went to school, got my Associates Degree at a NACA Ramsey, stayed local, lived at home and worked at T Mobile where I met the wonderful will you?

Sarah Huffman  16:42  
God bless you. God bless me, especially for like well Hoffman from like that era. From what I've been told

William Huffman  16:49  
it was fine. This is not about me. He not he's not

Kayla Dutton  16:53  
much different. He's still well at the core. Totally. Probably more mature now in ways

Sarah Huffman  17:01  
you say and wait times.

William Huffman  17:02  
Yeah, let's let's not let's not go too far here.

Kayla Dutton  17:05  
No, so I got my Associates from Anoka. Ramsey, and then I ended up getting my bachelor degree from St. Cloud State. But never never lived on campus. So I always had Husky Yes, always a hot seat this year. Literally back to me being an introvert. Not social. I would drive up to school come back, like no social life. Like I never went to any bars and St. Cloud. Nothing. You're not missing. I'm pretty boring.

William Huffman  17:28  
You're not missing out. I mean, like, nothing good ever happened at those places.

Kayla Dutton  17:32  
So I've heard Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't

William Huffman  17:34  
know. Why would you if you've never been to St. Cloud bar?

Sarah Huffman  17:38  
You're right. That's why I said I wouldn't know. Riveting. Riveting. Okay, so then when did Matt When did you and Matt get because you're dating throughout this whole time, right? Yes. Yep.

Kayla Dutton  17:49  
So I moved into Matt bought a townhouse in I don't know what year we'll just say 2012 ish. So I moved in there while I was finishing school and working AT T Mobile. And then Matt really wanted to get married early. But I said, Nope. I want to I want to finish school before we get married. I don't know.

William Huffman  18:09  
Because that's how your brain works. Right? That's how your brain works.

Sarah Huffman  18:13  
I had a map just put it timeline. Like no, I need to do that when I'm this old. Yeah, it doesn't make any like no one created this role except for ourselves. Right? Exactly. Yes, it happens.

Kayla Dutton  18:22  
So yeah. So we got married, got engaged. And I think I was like 2122 and got married in 2015. When I was I think 23 years old.

Sarah Huffman  18:32  
Okay. How did Matt ask you to be his wife? Oh, gosh.

Kayla Dutton  18:36  
I mean, sounds romantic. But it ended up not being super romantic. We went up to Duluth to visit my friends who were going to UMD at the time. And so we went up with it was Matt, myself and a few friends. And it was at the beach on Canal Park on December like 730 17. So super cold in Duluth, it was literally negative 30 degrees without the windshield and Duluth. And

William Huffman  19:00  
because Duluth is never windy. Yeah,

Kayla Dutton  19:02  
exactly. Ever. Yeah. So we're just about to go to grandma's to get a beer. And he's like, oh, let's just go walk by the by the beach. And like, Oh, sounds great. So I turned around, and there he was down on one hand and knee and and I said, me being me. I said, What the f? He's like, wow, that's romantic. But no, I was just surprised. And so yeah, my good friends were there and said yes. And made it a fun weekend. So

Sarah Huffman  19:31  
did they all know this was a all new Yes.

Kayla Dutton  19:34  
And did your parents know? They knew? Yep. Because my my man asked my dad for permission. Good job, man. Yes. Although I said he should ask both my parents but that's alright.

Sarah Huffman  19:46  
I was gonna say next time, but that is

Kayla Dutton  19:49  
it. Feel free. renew our vows. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  19:51  
again. I'll be like, Hey,

William Huffman  19:53  
what is your mom's like, you know what? No,

Kayla Dutton  19:56  
I'm so glad you finally asked. Yeah, I've

William Huffman  19:58  
had a problem with this for about 50 yours. And then

Sarah Huffman  20:01  
how long after did you get married? It was like a year and a half engagement, I

Kayla Dutton  20:05  
believe. Okay. Yeah.

Sarah Huffman  20:07  
And where'd you get married?

Kayla Dutton  20:08  
It was in badness heights. It's called badness heights Commons. It's just like a nice little all in one you could ever ceremony there and your reception and it was it was like the best day ever.

Sarah Huffman  20:17  
I love it. Yes. I love it. I remember we met you. I don't think you guys were married yet. I could be wrong. In comparison to when Jorge got married.

Kayla Dutton  20:27  
Oh, gosh, it was right around them. But I think they were first.

Sarah Huffman  20:31  
Yeah, because they got married in April. I do believe or may early May. And then. I don't think Matt was there. I think it was just you at the wedding. And that was the first time I met you. You have a good memory which I know well now is gonna say wow, Sarah, that was riveting. Riveting

Kayla Dutton  20:47  
there. Wish I had your memory. Serves me much better. Really weird. The

William Huffman  20:51  
stuff she remembers. I don't

Sarah Huffman  20:52  
remember like song lyrics. I don't remember a lot like movies, TV shows like quotes. Like, I don't remember any of that. But I remember like, anything about people I will remember which is

William Huffman  21:03  
a great skill, way better skill than being able to quote movies from

Sarah Huffman  21:07  
but you do not want to play trivia with me? Because I don't remember any of that. Yeah. So I do want to play because I actually have a chance of winning. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Terrible. Yeah. Okay, so you and Matt, let's just do the abbreviated. We've done a podcast about Matt's accident. But give me a little rundown of like, you guys get married. What's next? Yes.

Kayla Dutton  21:26  
So in March of I think it was 2017. So about two years after we got married. Matt was in a really bad accident, a work accident, which left him partially paralyzed. So luckily, you know, he can still walk. But there's a lot of medical issues as a result of the accident. So. So that was a couple years after we got married, lots of challenges were thrown our way. And that was right around the time that we wanted to start a family and

William Huffman  21:54  
how old How old are you at this time? You're 25?

Kayla Dutton  21:57  
Yep. So it was a couple of years after we I'm bad with numbers. But a couple years after we got married, about 25

William Huffman  22:03  
Okay, so you're, let's be honest, hear you're a very mature young person. Like from the time I met you, you've always just been very mature. Very wise beyond your years. That's a true compliment. I still can't imagine going through that at 25. I mean, at 25 I mean, shit. You knew you knew me at 30? Like, how is this guy still alive? Does he feed himself? What's going on here? Right?

Kayla Dutton  22:33  
we balanced each other out? Yeah.

William Huffman  22:36  
100% Kayla?

Kayla Dutton  22:37  
No. Okay, so

William Huffman  22:41  
you're 25 you started? Do you had a good?

Kayla Dutton  22:44  
He was laughing

William Huffman  22:45  
Oh, he's 25 You're going through this? And obviously you get through. So I don't know how much in depth. You wanted to go with that. But you know, so a lot of challenges. And you have a really good talent of downplaying how crazy things were. Like, I just like crazy good talent, where she's really good at that. That's why you're in HR. You're just like, oh, so kiss you stab somebody. Okay, tell me more about that. No, totally. I'm like, freaking out. Yeah, yeah. So I mean, like he was ran over by a truck. And like, just a few minutes before work was ending there was it was really not good. Like, there's some reconstructive surgery for like his ear and stuff, because it was almost like removed or something like that. It's a freaking miracle that Matt is alive. Oh, hands down, like kicking in, like, paralyzed. So he had some spine damage done. Spine damage is the technical term for it. And he his leg is like, almost always numb. So he doesn't really know it's there. So

Kayla Dutton  23:48  
he wishes he could have a prosthetic.

William Huffman  23:51  
Right? Yeah. Because yeah. Okay. So like very, very, very, very serious stuff. How have a Hell yeah, go? Like, how does one deal with that? Like, especially at the age of any age? I don't care. Really? What? Oh, my

Sarah Huffman  24:07  
gosh, I mean, I think about my dad's accident. And seven. Yeah, you know, it doesn't really matter. Like the age. Yeah, I think when you deal with like a medical crisis, a medical accident, this wasn't like a planned thing. Like, it kind of changes your life. And you guys had this massive life change at an early age.

Kayla Dutton  24:28  
And I think, I mean, it's a few things right. And I think family and just support system is for sure. Number one, you're gonna have your good days and bad days. And they were always there to just kind of, you know, be there for us whatever we needed, so that that definitely helped us get through it. And I think just focusing on the fact that he's here, he's walking, he knows who I am, like, he didn't have any brain damage. And just putting into perspective that hey, it could always be worse. But there initially there was and there still are days where it's like You know, why did this happen to us? Yeah, there it is. Yeah, life's not fair, right. But then, and I kind of talked about this on the last podcast too. Like, the more you share your story in, the more you talk to people, it's like everyone has their own issues they're dealing with internally, externally, whether you can see it or not. So I think just kind of grounding yourself and making sure that you're thinking, you know, perspective wise that, you know, it could be worse.

Sarah Huffman  25:22  
And I think that's, I was just gonna say, I think that's where a lot of people that know you and Matt, because everything on the outside looks so great. And yes, we're so thankful that he's alive and oh, there's he's got a limp, you know, or there's like a leg issue. But that isn't his only issue. That's probably a minor issue compared to other things.

Kayla Dutton  25:41  
Right. Right. Yeah. Cuz I mean, I mean, without getting too graphic, basically, from his waist down, he has like, little to zero sensation. Right. Yeah. So I mean, I think we're gonna get to this but as far as like reproductive and all of that, like, there he struggles, right. That's not a normal person. I don't want to say normal, but

William Huffman  26:01  
we know what you mean by normal. Yeah, like normal physiological functioning things,

Sarah Huffman  26:06  
right. Yep. And actually, that's one of the reasons I'll just call it out. That's actually one of the reasons that I Oh, hi Kalin. He's saying hello to get you a microphone. Yeah, that would actually be really cute to like, record baby noises. Yeah, maybe we should do that. Okay. And if you need to grab them or anything, you just let me know. So I think that is one of the things that people might not know about you and Matt, is that you've actually had to go a non traditional route to have babies. And I mean, there's a lot that I'm like, we have to have Kayla on just to talk about, like, because it's not infertility, like a traditional infertility, but it's like, infertility. How would you describe it? Yeah, so

Kayla Dutton  26:51  
it's essentially I mean, it's essentially male factor in infertility. And I have something called PCOS as well, which is, a lot of women actually have it, which can impact your ability to get pregnant or stay pregnant

William Huffman  27:04  
or know what that means. What PCOS means

Kayla Dutton  27:06  
polycystic ovarian syndrome. So it's basically you have like a bunch of cysts on your ovaries. So that was one issue. And then, because of Matt's accident, he also is nearly infertile. So thankfully, with, you know, science, we are able to have babies, right. Like if you think about, I think 40 years ago, I think it was in the 1970s is when they actually IVF became a thing, right. So before that, I guess IVF

William Huffman  27:36  
stands for for people who don't know, in vitro fertilization, okay. And the reason I'm asking is because I know, I know most of the terms, but I just want to make sure that somebody who's listening doesn't, because I don't necessarily feel stupid, if I don't know. But I will immediately ask and a lot of people won't. So I just keep going, I might just keep asking for definition raising my I am literally,

Kayla Dutton  27:58  
you're testing me. Yeah, I don't know. This is what I call it. Don't ask me the detail. Yeah. So yeah. So yeah, so we did have to go the IVF route. And you know, we are super fortunate that we were successful, right? We have these two beautiful babies, because of it, but not everyone has that same outcome. And not everyone has the resources to go through it. Yeah. So as painful and emotionally stressful, the journey was physically painful, physically, emotionally, financially, everything. Yeah. But looking back, it's just all a blur. And it's like, people aren't as fortunate as we have been.

Sarah Huffman  28:35  
So when did your IVF journey start?

Kayla Dutton  28:38  
I know you'd asked us and I was like, Oh, when did it start? So 2018. So I think it was like 27 or 28. And we just kind of started with some of the, you know, less invasive options. It's called like IUI where it's, you can go to just do regular OB and have the procedure done. So we did that for a while

Sarah Huffman  29:00  
and then and when i Okay, I'm going to be getting a little more technical to Oh, I'm gonna I have don't ask me what that stands for. No, no, no, I didn't really care about that. Because but like i you i means that they're taking the sperm right and just putting it in you and hoping it takes correct Yep. Like almost like what do they call it like the baster?

William Huffman  29:19  
That's a really rudimentary that's essentially Yes. Yeah,

Sarah Huffman  29:23  
I'm not trying to be weird about this. I just am like, because there's different levels of like, How To Get Pregnant and this is probably like the next best way beyond like traditional sex. Yep. Correct. Exactly. Yeah. Yep. Pretty Yeah.

Kayla Dutton  29:39  
Not invasive whatsoever. So we did that at our you know, regular OB for a while and that invasive just the doctors are Yeah, again, I'll perspective Yeah. No big deal.

William Huffman  29:52  
I'm awkward. What am I doing in this room?

Kayla Dutton  29:56  
Yeah. And at that point in time, like we didn't know the severity of math injury and how that impacted his fertility because they didn't. I mean, his doctor was more focused on getting him up to, you know, being able to walk and all of that not some of these more luxurious medical situations. So we did that for like a year, and then we were referred to a fertility clinic. And you did that. What do you mean, you did that for a year? I mean, I'd say like, try naturally and doing the IUI. And just hoping something worked. Yeah. Right.

Sarah Huffman  30:28  
So there's a lot of like, disappointment. Yes. I mean, and this is Oh, hi.

William Huffman  30:35  
Oh, yeah, go and grab him. Yeah.

Sarah Huffman  30:37  
Don't leave a baby Kalin just hanging. So

William Huffman  30:41  
and I'll just keep talking, because I know you can hear me. Like, I don't know if I'd call it. I don't know is, is disappointment. What you were really feeling or was it? I don't, I don't want to. I want to know more about that feeling. Because I like, Sarah says, disappointing. It could be crushing. It could be okay. It's not a big deal. We tried or like, take us through that. Because I think that was trying to get as there's a lot of other people going through this process right now. Are they thinking about going through this process? And we're trying to capture the roller coaster to use that word again, if possible emotions.

Sarah Huffman  31:19  
Can I just add one more thing? Absolutely. taken us back to 2018. This is I think now more people are talking about their journey when they go through stuff. But I'm thinking back to 2018. I don't think anybody was talking about it. It Yeah, correct me if I'm wrong.

Kayla Dutton  31:35  
I don't know. It's true. Honestly, since I've been open about my journey, it is amazing the amount of people and like given classmates that reach out to me and like just kind of ask for support or that are going through the same thing. I'm like, it's it's crazy. Much more. Yeah. Again, I don't think it's more prevalent. It's just people are more open about it. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Sarah Huffman  31:54  
Yeah, that makes total sense. They have someone that they know, like, and trust, right, that can be like, Hey, I'm experiencing this. And let's face it, not everybody wants to have like, open dialogue about like reproduction. Oh, I'm telling you a very private, right thing.

William Huffman  32:08  
Like, I don't like not to be weird. This is a weird conversation for me to be a part of, but I don't think it's not inappropriate of a conversation to be a part of because you're inviting us into this part of your your life. I think it's alright, just

Sarah Huffman  32:23  
just like was like, Hey, we got to talk about

Kayla Dutton  32:27  
No, and I think that's part of the issue. Why it hasn't been talked about, you know, prior to a few years ago is people don't know what to ask about it. Yeah, right. It's awkward. It's emotional. And people just, I mean, I'm one of them. I just kind of avoid the topic.

William Huffman  32:40  
Well, you don't want to be rude. You don't want to pry into somebody's life. But yet on the same hand, you do want to know Yeah, like you, you really want like we care about you. We want to know what's going on in your life. And you sometimes you

Sarah Huffman  32:52  
just don't want to know to like, be supportive. You don't want to know to be nosy. Hopefully you're

William Huffman  32:57  
coming from that place. Right? Well, yeah. If you're coming from a place of being a nosy get out of here, right.

Kayla Dutton  33:02  
And I like to assume positive intent. Yeah,

Sarah Huffman  33:05  
there's that good HR work. Okay, so you're back in 2018. You're trying things naturally, you're trying things through like the IU I turkey baster route, for lack of a better word, but no, I think that helps people to understand does, yeah. And nothing's taking and did they did the doctors did your OB think that this was going to be a possible solution like that solution, but like a possible way to get pregnant?

Kayla Dutton  33:31  
Looking back? I? Probably not. But during the during the time, it's just like Matt hadn't been tested for much at that time. So they kind of thought it was more me. Okay. Within math. Yes, exactly. Yep. Yep. So. So yeah, at the time, I think back to World question about, you know, the definition of disappointment, like, every negative pregnancy test, and you know, just going the little things, right, going to target and seeing a family, it's like, gosh, will I ever have that and it just consumes your life? It's crazy. Like you literally can't think about anything else.

Sarah Huffman  34:06  
Yeah. Because what have you probably thought your whole life growing up?

Kayla Dutton  34:10  
I had my plan, right? I was gonna get married at this age, do this, start a family, etc. So when you you know, and I think the accident, obviously that, you know, our plan deviated from that, and then thinking that we might not ever be able to be parents. That was, it was just a lot to handle.

Sarah Huffman  34:27  
It's a lot. Yeah, at the same time, what you put out to the world, was how thankful you were that Matt was here, like,

William Huffman  34:33  
how dare you? How dare you be so selfish, that your plans not going the way you want it to? Because Matt went under he had this horrible accident happened to him. I could see how people would think that right. But that

Sarah Huffman  34:48  
isn't really what I was. I mean, I just think it's a lot of emotion just in general to manage. Because it's like, You're grateful that they're there exactly, but it's like holy crap my plan just like it imploded.

William Huffman  35:01  
And I maybe I'm speaking, I'm speaking for me. I'm obviously not in your situation, but I would feel guilty about my plan not going the way I want it to still go. Knowing my partner, I just been through something. Does that make sense? I'm a weirdo.

Kayla Dutton  35:15  
So like, you're you should be great. You feel like you should be great. That's the only thing you should have Matt's still here. Right? And yeah, it could be worse. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

William Huffman  35:23  
That's not how life works. Because that's not that because, yeah, something bad happened. Okay, but I still want this. And I still in here. I still want this person to be a part of that. How do I? How do we how do i whatever you want to say, get there. That's a that's a really weird thought process.

Sarah Huffman  35:42  
And so Okay, so with all of this, what did you do for yourself emotionally? I'm just going to ask this part because I don't think as women we cannot we always talk about our emotions, like our emotions show up. Right? But like, what did you do emotionally as you kept getting these negative tests? Like who? What was your support system? Like? How did that work? Yeah, I'd

Kayla Dutton  36:02  
say my close friends knew what I was going through. And my family as well. My mom was super supportive throughout the whole process. And really what helped me the most, aside from that, and really supportive boss to going through everything, just with all the appointments and everything. That that was super helpful, but really just finding others who have been in a similar situation like either have previously gone through infertility or going through it. That's what got me through it the most. Just being there. And again, it consumed my entire life. And I think Matt's too but he's, you know, he doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve. He's kind of, he's not a not an open book at times. So sometimes I did feel like I was more alone. Just because I felt like it, you know, affected me emotionally more than him. But I think it's probably him trying to be the hard ass that he was. Yeah.

Sarah Huffman  36:53  
Yeah. Okay, so at this point, I hope it's okay that I'm gonna ask these questions to you. She does want to answer Yeah, I'll just stare at you. Yeah. Like, no, Sarah, no, too far. Was this up to this point was still covered by insurance.

Kayla Dutton  37:09  
Some of it was some actually, by the grace of God. Literally the year that we started that we proceeded with IVF, my, my work their insurance started covering fertility rate. So I mean, they covered like, you know, a drop in the bucket compared to what the actual expense was. But yeah, conveniently, the year that we started to proceed with, you know, treatments and go to the fertility clinic. They did cover. Wow, yes.

Sarah Huffman  37:36  
Okay. So now tell me about, like, if someone else were going through this, and they wanted to know, like, the fertility route, did your OB recommend people? Or how did you find like the people that how did you find the clinics and the doctors in the community? Yeah. How did you find that all the things you're going through, but you don't know where to start? What do you do?

Kayla Dutton  37:58  
I don't like to have too many options. So maybe it was a good thing. But literally through insurance, I only had one option of Kleenex. So it's like, okay, well, I guess that's one we're going to very reputable across the country, though. So it was kind of a no brainer there. But then from there, right, it's, it's very difficult to navigate the whole process, just like it took me a couple months, literally talking to insurance probably every day on the phone for two hours, like no one knew what they were doing, like you get passed around to different like specialty pharmacies and specialty clinics. And it's just, there's no one to really guide you through the process. And the clinic I went to was great, right? Like they have great success rates, but at the same time, you kind of feel just like a number. Like they're only focused on success rates and they have their process and there's really no one there to really help you through the process. So that was that was challenging.

William Huffman  38:48  
What do you say process? Are you talking? The bureaucratic paperwork process or the emotional process are both? I'd say both. Okay. Yep.

Kayla Dutton  38:56  
Initially, the the paperwork process that was difficult and then like, throughout when you're actually doing treatment? I mean, they're there for medical support. They're not there for emotional support.

William Huffman  39:06  
That's, I would not have thought that I would have thought there would have been that blows my mind right there that what what like this, okay.

Sarah Huffman  39:17  
So when you transition to this clinic, like do you bring a checkbook? Like how did you start with treatments that treatment but how do you start down the path of getting pregnant through a clinic like

Kayla Dutton  39:32  
this? Yeah, literally, I think the first day we went there, there's like an initial consults. They put you in this room, they put in a video of what IVF is, and then they give you like, this cost breakdown of how much everything costs and you're like, holy cow, like that could be my child's first year of college tuition. Yeah. So yeah, you just kind of get all the facts and you know, details on the process

Sarah Huffman  39:54  
and they just have like a care credit card, like just sitting there like okay, you can do it. It's crazy because it look like when you say

William Huffman  40:01  
I want to talk. You don't have to tell me your numbers. I don't really care. I know somebody else who's going through this. And they set a number of 25,000. Yep.

Kayla Dutton  40:09  
Yep. And that's, that's probably low. Yeah. And that's if everything goes according typically,

William Huffman  40:14  
right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Kayla Dutton  40:16  
That's crazy. Okay, worst year of college tuition. Yeah.

William Huffman  40:19  
A nice college. A really, really nice college.

Sarah Huffman  40:23  
So now you and Matt obviously have to agree. Right? And was he on board? He was thankfully. Okay. So it wasn't like you had this like, friction of like, yes. No, yes. No, you both were like, yes. Let's do this. Yeah,

Kayla Dutton  40:35  
I think he was, you know, earning to be a father and I really wanted to be a mother and he knew that. So he was supportive along the way. And he just kind of let me drive the bus essentially, which at times, I wanted him to be more involved. But at the same time, it's just kind of nice to drive the bus in that situation. Yeah. Like, let's get this done.

William Huffman  40:58  
Your yoke. Okay. We won't talk about buses anymore. Sorry.

Sarah Huffman  41:02  
This is not the first time my boss has happened on our podcast.

William Huffman  41:07  
Me getting run over the bus. It comes every 15 minutes. That was

Sarah Huffman  41:10  
yeah, there's another one. Okay, so you guys decided to get started on the process? What does that mean for you?

Kayla Dutton  41:18  
It means like an appointment every day of the week. Every day and I live in Elk River.

William Huffman  41:24  
Let's move the microphone a little closer to you. So you can still keep There you go.

Kayla Dutton  41:28  
Yeah, so it was an appointment pretty much every day to do blood work. It was like a 15 minute appointment, but you know, an hour of driving. And then a lot of injections. So basically, there's two parts of IVF you have the initial egg retrieval, and then you have the transfer when you actual

William Huffman  41:45  
egg retrieval. Tell me more. Yep, this sounds fun. So you have it sounds paying

Kayla Dutton  41:51  
$5,000 worth of medications that you're taking every day between oral medications like three different shots per day that you have to take to prepare for this retrieval self

William Huffman  42:02  
administering the shots are

Kayla Dutton  42:04  
most of them I was except the one that had to do with my my booty. Matt would do that one booty Booty

Sarah Huffman  42:14  
I don't know. So yes,

Kayla Dutton  42:15  
I rock for this. Like, I couldn't even watch a nurse, you know, take my blood or give me a shot. And then I was like, how am I supposed to give myself a shot like this is just traumatizing. But again, it's like, you don't think you can do something until you're forced to do it. Right? Yes. Just like by the end of it. Like I saved all of my sharps containers of the needles for like my first transfer with Brody. And there was like four or five full sharps containers of used needles and it's just like I'm, I told myself, I'm like, I'm gonna keep this for reminder for Brody one day when he's misbehaving. And like, I could probably use it today and say, hey, look what I went through for you. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, the retrieval prep and drugs were

William Huffman  42:58  
so retrieval. How does how does that work? Sorry. Basically,

Kayla Dutton  43:02  
you prep your body with all those objections to basically just like produce a bunch of eggs.

William Huffman  43:08  
But how do they retrieve them?

Kayla Dutton  43:10  
They go in with some I don't know, they put you under they go in and they retrieve all the eggs that with the surgery? Yes. It's a surgery. Yeah, it's not awake. Correct. It is like you are. That was the first time I was put under Yeah, wow. Yep. Yep. So yeah, it was about six weeks of the injections and medication to prepare for the egg retrieval. And then the egg retrieval they retrieved I think like 41 eggs, which is a total

William Huffman  43:36  
Wow. viable.

Kayla Dutton  43:38  
15 Okay, see, I

William Huffman  43:40  
know some lingos Yeah,

Kayla Dutton  43:41  
good job. Yeah, I'm pressed. Yeah. But basically, because I produced so many, I essentially over responded to the medication, and I got super sick. So a couple days after the retrieval, I gained about 20 pounds and water weights like literally overnight, I could not walk like I was I laid on the couch and I was like mad. I seriously think I'm dying. And of course, they don't warn you about any of this like apparently it's super common and it can happen and but no, I had no forewarning. So I ended up going to the heart and

Sarah Huffman  44:12  
literally at this point, no one's talking about it. Right. It's not like you can go to Instagram be like, right. Oh, this is normal. Exactly. Why

William Huffman  44:19  
did I just gained 20 pounds overnight, right?

Sarah Huffman  44:21  
Why do I look like nine months pregnant? Yeah. Oh, my word. Like that's a goal, but maybe not. drays Yeah,

Kayla Dutton  44:28  
exactly. So it was crazy. So then I I got it was so debilitating. Of course my mom who's like, you know, she's always my nurse and if I have a cold she like come over and bring me soup. Right but she was in Florida when I was super sick. And she just felt so terrible that she wasn't there. But so I ended up going to the hospital, the ER and Maple Grove. And I knew what I had right by that point. I did some research and I was like, oh, what's called Oh HSS basically where you over respond to the injections. So I'm telling The Doctor and the ultrasound tech at Maple Grove Hospital what I have and they don't even like know what I'm talking about. So I just feel so like helpless and no one's like helping me out and I literally cannot move like I had to be wheeled into there like I could not walk.

Sarah Huffman  45:14  
Because at this point, what is Matt's? Like, what is his movement? Like? Is he able to move around? Well, at this point, because I'm bringing us back to 2018. Yeah, he couldn't

Kayla Dutton  45:25  
move. So he was, he was pretty much, you know, to his full recovery point. But yeah, I was still difficult for him to take care of me. And it's, it's funny, just, you know, like, two years prior, I was I was his nurse, and now he's my nurse. Yeah. So yeah, it was honestly, that was almost more painful than giving birth, like the Oh HSS. And again, like, no one prepared me for it. Like, I, I've heard of it, but it's like, oh, yeah, you feel a little bloated. But it was like, no, like, that was an extreme case. And it was so horrendous.

William Huffman  45:55  
So what happened at the hospital with that? They eventually

Kayla Dutton  46:00  
moved me to the U of M down in, I think the St. Paul location. And they, I mean, essentially, I think they called my fertility clinic. And they're like, oh, yeah, transfer her to the U of M. I don't think I stayed overnight. But essentially what they did is they drained all my fluid. This is TMI and disgusting. No, this is what I was literally laying on the table at the U of M. Hospital. And I could see the, the nasty liquid coming out. I had like two liter bags full of just liquid that was just sitting there. And so I felt like a huge sense of real

William Huffman  46:33  
estate. There was just a catheter, or it was a catheter.

Kayla Dutton  46:37  
Yeah. So it's like, essentially, IV bags are like draining your bladder. Yeah, they're getting this liquid out as fast as possible, nasty looking. And like literally as it was coming out, like, I could just feel like I could breathe and live again. I was like, Oh, this is great. So that's all they did. And then I felt great for like three hours got sent home. And it all came back. Like within shot maybe five hours. I was like, Oh my gosh. So like they knew it wasn't, you know, yes, I was super uncomfortable and super sick. But like, I don't think they were concerned about my health overall. So pretty much just like, yeah, just drink a bunch of electrolytes. And eventually, it'll just dissipate like, Oh, great. So yeah, I was probably, I don't know, and the whole time, right, like, I had to miss work and tell my boss and again, thank God, she was so supportive and knew I was going through the process. So she could be there for me and make sure that I took care of myself. But yeah, it was probably I don't know, a week or two of just pure misery. Before I started feeling somewhat like myself again,

William Huffman  47:37  
so I have a legitimate so you. Maybe this is weird mousses and you had a female boss at the time. Do you think that made a difference? Absolutely. Yeah. Because to me, I think it does, because it 20 2018 Here, like, I wouldn't have known jack shit about what you're going through. I'd have been like, suck it up. So you're bloated, whatever. Get to work. Yep.

Kayla Dutton  48:01  
And I think God, I told her like, before I was going through it. I remember I still remember vividly having to tell her like, I was so nervous. Like, I was super close with her. And you know, she's essentially like mama bear to me. But we were driving back from lunch. I think it was like my performance review. And I'm like, Sheila, I have something to tell you. And I just broke down and told her I was going through IVF Matt and I have, you know, infertility issues. And she was just from there. She was just so supportive.

William Huffman  48:25  
That's awesome. Who is that? What's her name? Was she a shout out?

Kayla Dutton  48:29  
She's awesome. And I still work with her. She's not my boss, but we're both at a different company. But I still she's like, one of my best friends.

William Huffman  48:37  
Thank you, Sheila. Wait

Kayla Dutton  48:38  
a second, third, fourth Mom,

Sarah Huffman  48:39  
that's so cool. You know, I think I think people can also take you as an example of actually sharing something really personal that's going on. What if you hadn't shared that? You know, because some people? Yeah, what if you hadn't shared that with Sheila, like a boss or a supervisor or someone could think something is totally something else is going on? Due to him saying like, Oh, they could have said, Oh, Kayla's performance sucks. What's wrong performance? What's going on? This has happened but it's like you were brave enough to have the conversation to be like, Hey, this is what's going on. And then there's a different level of understanding from that like professional setting.

Kayla Dutton  49:20  
Yeah, and I think too, like not only did I have her support, but like some people so I'm a part of a lot of groups who are going through you know, infertility challenges like on Facebook in different social media platforms. And you see random posts like even for those who have opened up to their boss like they're either not understanding and like it's like they move to like punitive measures right like you could essentially lose your job if you you know, don't show up to work for a few days your performance is suffering and so just having the support through it all like it was hard to use my brain at work right like again back to this consumed my life like it. It literally did like it was I had brain fog. All the time I could never concentrate. But just opening up to my boss and having her know what I was going through. Like she'd oftentimes say, like, hey, what can I take off your plate? And she never made me feel guilty about, you know, maybe my performance lacking at work. I think everybody

William Huffman  50:15  
needs to live their life. That's what they do absolute super cool.

Sarah Huffman  50:19  
Okay, so now you've they have the egg retrieval, what happens with those 15 eggs, the viable ones.

Kayla Dutton  50:26  
So I thought what was going to happen was five days after the retrieval, it's called the fresh transfer the so they essentially would have chosen the best graded embryo and transferred it. But because I had the Oh HSS they're like, oh, okay, we'll have to do a frozen transfer. I'm like, Oh, okay. Like, again, had no idea this was a possibility, like, was not prepared for any of this. So they essentially put all 15 embryos in a freezer, and had to wait like a maybe a month and a half, two months to prep for the the egg or the embryo transfer? And what does that mean to prep? More injections and medication?

Sarah Huffman  51:06  
At this point, how are your hormones? Oh,

Kayla Dutton  51:09  
I was, you could probably ask them at this question better than wow, I was probably the crappiest person around. And yeah, it's just like hormones, and they do weird stuff to your body. Like, you gain a ton of weight and you just everything. Yeah, they're not.

Sarah Huffman  51:28  
It's like I think even just managing hormones is really challenging. I'm sure we'll can tell you.

William Huffman  51:34  
Well, even that different, quote unquote, normal, healthy people, hormones are legitimately something that become imbalanced. And it's a chemistry and now you're introducing non normal amounts of things to your body that's used to what it's been producing. Jesus. Yeah. And

Kayla Dutton  51:52  
one of the injections. That I think I don't know if it was for the retrieval or transfer, but it's the same medication that is that treats breast cancer, so that just kind of shows how intense the medication is. Yeah. So something again with hormones gotta

William Huffman  52:07  
be something of a steroid or something. Wow.

Sarah Huffman  52:10  
Okay. So, month, did

William Huffman  52:12  
you lift a lot of weights get school? It's pretty buff. Yeah.

Sarah Huffman  52:18  
So then, do you like just pull an egg a frozen egg out of the hat? Or like, how do they pick which egg they're going to use?

Kayla Dutton  52:26  
Yeah. So they, each embryo is graded. I don't know the scientific reasoning or explanation behind any of it. But yeah, so they essentially, the embryologist grade all your embryos, and then they, what we could have done is we could have tested all of our embryos for like more like genetic deficiencies, and then that also, you know, tells you the gender of the embryos. But we chose not to do that per the guidance from our doctor just because she thought that with my age and whatnot, that there probably wouldn't be issues. So then yeah, they just essentially chose the best graded embryo and plopped her in me and hope for the best. So that procedure was not as invasive the transfer is not as invasive as the retrieval. Essentially, they just kind of put it in there with a with a catheter. I

William Huffman  53:15  
mean, the womb is a much larger target than your ovary. True. I mean,

Sarah Huffman  53:20  
and do they Okay, um, do they, like, bring the sperm and the egg together, like in a petri dish? And then put it in you? Or do they? How did that how does that work? Yep.

Kayla Dutton  53:29  
So it's essentially already so yeah, they would have done that, I think probably like immediately after the egg retrieval, and then that's when they grow into the embryos. So there's like a five day. I don't know if it's like a thawing process where basically they let that sperm and egg, like, do their thing, right? For five to six days. And they're mixing and mingling, right? So some don't make it some do. And then that's when they get great. That's when they know that they're viable. Right. Okay. The viable ones are frozen. Yeah, it's

Sarah Huffman  53:56  
just like such a process. It is. So now where are the little? The other 13 right now

Kayla Dutton  54:02  
other at some storage facility in it at the clinic? I get my yearly storage bill. Serious ate it? Yep. Yeah. It's very strange. I was telling Matt, like, we have little 13 little kiddos in a freezer right now. How much is a? It's not bad. It's like 600 a year, but still 600 bucks that I could be doing something else. Because

Sarah Huffman  54:24  
emotionally it's like, yeah, I don't want to like toss. Right,

Kayla Dutton  54:28  
right. And not to like, jumped the gun. But, you know, Matt's like, well, I just want two kids. And I'm like, I don't know, you know, maybe three. I mean, if you asked me this week, I would say no, we're done. Yeah, it's a lot. But so yeah, it's um, I'm just surprised he let me pay the storage bill this year.

Sarah Huffman  54:45  
Matt? So okay, so then how soon after the transfer, do you know if it has taken?

Kayla Dutton  54:53  
Yep. So you, you get a blood test. I think it's nine days after the transfer. So those nine days are like The longest days of your life and you literally like some clinics like advise you to do bed rest the first few days. Some are like no, just, you know, maintain your normal routine. But yeah, you're like literally like walking on eggshells, and you're like, what was that? twinge. And you're just Yeah, it's crazy. So yeah, nine days after the the transfer, you go in for a blood test. And then so they measure your hCG. And then if, if that comes positive, then it needs to basically that number needs to double two days after to really confirm your pregnancy. So you get somewhat of an answer on day nine, but you get the, you know, the actual answer on day 11. It's crazy about so waiting for that phone call. I was like, shaking, I thought I was gonna pass out.

Sarah Huffman  55:44  
And then so day 11 comes they call and they're like, Yep, you're pregnant. And then at what point? Do you know? I mean, we know that it worked, right? Because you've got Brody. But like, at what point are you allowed to be like? Like, almost like a sigh of relief?

Kayla Dutton  56:00  
Gosh, I feel like never not till he was earthside. I will

William Huffman  56:04  
say it's kinda like, it's kind of like a closing. We don't we say don't celebrate till you have the keys in hand. Yeah.

Kayla Dutton  56:09  
But I would say I mean, kind of typical with, you know, natural pregnancy or whatever is really after that first trimester. So you go and you get that initial positive test, right? It's still super early. Most people at this point don't know they're pregnant, right? It's literally like 11 days after they would have gotten pregnant. So I would say, after the first trimester, but you Yeah, you get the like an initial six week ultrasound, where you can hopefully see the heartbeat. So that's kind of like your initial piece of reassurance and everything's and did you see it? Yes. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. So it's like, oh, gosh, that's nerve racking. But yeah, we did see it. So that was like the most incredible feeling ever.

Sarah Huffman  56:50  
Yeah. Oh, my gosh, okay. So what would you give advice? Like, when you think about advice for like, a couple that's going through infertility? What would be some advice that you would give to them after you've gone through it now? Twice?

Kayla Dutton  57:04  
Yeah, that's a good question. I would just say, do your research, right. Don't go into it. I don't think I did enough research, but at the same time, it's kind of a double edged sword, right? Because the more you know, the more kind of worked up you get. So just really, again, just like with any life challenge, I would say find a good support system, not just your family, not just your friends, but people who have been through similar experiences. Yeah. I just felt so blind throughout the process, like, you know, giving the meds and you know, what time you supposed to do this? And what does this mean? Like, is this symptom normal, and just really leaning on those who have been through a similar experience? Like, got me through it? 100% And I think too, you know, like I mentioned earlier, like, we are so blessed that it worked out for us, not everyone, that doesn't happen for everyone. So I think everyone's parent to journey, you know, journey to parenthood if they, you know, become parents looks different. And I think just staying open minded and, and leaning on those is the best piece of advice. It's, you're gonna have your good days and your bad days. And like I said, It consumed me like 100% of the day every day. And now it's literally only been two and a half years since I went through it and it's pretty much all a blur at this point. Yeah, like I forget how traumatizing and emotionally stressful it was.

Sarah Huffman  58:22  
And with Callen number two here was that an easier process going through it a second time or how did that did it differ any was like science? Were there science improvements from when you had your advances when you from when you had Brody? Or was it about the same?

Kayla Dutton  58:37  
It was pretty similar. They changed a couple of things in their protocol. But pretty similar, and I think to I was just more calm throughout the process, because I knew my body could do it right before I was like, I don't even know if I can get pregnant or you know, miscarriage, etc. Where it's like, Okay, I've done this before. So there's, there's more hope and in my opinion. So that really helped. And I think to just kind of having the familiarity of going through it the first and kind of just mentally preparing yourself for it. It was 100 times easier.

Sarah Huffman  59:09  
Wow. It's just so like, I've I always like stand in awe of you, Kayla, but like and Matt, Matt, I know you're not here. But you'll hear this. And then to think about the journey that you went through before any of us even knew that you were on the journey. Like thinking about that first year where it was like miserable, because I remember the bonfire that we had at our house when you guys told us like you had already been on this journey for how long? A year and a half.

Kayla Dutton  59:40  
Probably yeah, and I think too, like I was more I held back more like the first at first right because I didn't want to jinx it. I was like off where I open up and you know, I don't know, I was just, I kept it in more. So I think looking back I wish I would have been more open sooner, right so people could kind of be a cheerleader with You throughout the journey, but I'm one where I don't like to talk about myself. And I just I don't know, I just pretend it's, it's not happening mind over matter. My gosh,

William Huffman  1:00:10  
I applaud you for your strength. But I also say, you can be stronger sometimes together.

Kayla Dutton  1:00:15  
Yes, I agree. 100%. Yep. Yeah, you obviously

William Huffman  1:00:19  
have to be a strong person to go through what you've gone through. And we're all strong in different ways. And in. But I would say just take what Kayla says here. And if this is something you are going through community makes you stick together. The other together we go far, right? That's what's right. Yeah. Alone, you can go fast, right. But together, you can go far.

Kayla Dutton  1:00:41  
That's so true. So

Sarah Huffman  1:00:42  
So Kayla, if you were listening, if you were a listener on our podcast, like how did you find your resources? Are there any favorite resources that you could share? How could you like help that other couple or mom or set of dads or whatever it is? People People going down this path?

Kayla Dutton  1:01:00  
Yeah, I'd say again, do your research. But again, and I've fall victim to this too, right? Where I like, looked for all the local, you know, infertility support groups on Facebook, so those were great. But those are also like, again, they consume your life. So you're seeing all these, you know, negative posts about you know, this happened to so and so and maybe bad advice, right? So it's I, I tread lightly with those, right? Like, I kind of what I did is I'd follow those groups, but then I'd find someone who, you know, was super helpful and educated in that in that area, and just kind of connect with them on the sideline. Right. So you

William Huffman  1:01:35  
found your community, but then within that community found your person Exactly, okay.

Kayla Dutton  1:01:39  
Yep. Which Yeah, to this day, you know, three years later, yeah. It's cool, because we're still friends. And I've met so many people that I never would have, because of this journey. And have you ever met them in person? A few of them? Yes. Really? And how was that just awesome. So awesome. I love it. And just like, so I'm a part of my mom's group, too. When I had Brody, first time moms group, it's not infertility specific. But through that group, I met a couple people who went through IVF as well, and then had, you know, subsequent IVF transfers like I did myself. So it's just like, you just connect with them on a different level. And it's funny, and you know, being a mom, like I said, it's, it's kind of all a blur, right? Two and a half years ago, like right now I'm in the, you know, you're sick of it. Yeah, exactly. So it's just like, I just, sometimes I have to remind myself, you know, when I'm having a bad day when both kids are crying, and when I just like, can't take a breather. I'm like, just remember three years ago, what you would have done to like, have this moment, right. So I kind of find myself feeling guilty at times. Like, I just want a moment for myself when it's like, no, I wanted this so badly. Yeah. So it's, it's weird. It's a brain game, for sure. I have mom guilt.

William Huffman  1:02:47  
I have one. One final question. What are you doing now? Or what? What should someone you just said something that kind of that just brought this question up? And you said, you feel kind of guilty? What are you doing now to help navigate those emotions? I mean, if anything, besides maybe just recognizing it and saying it out loud, which is probably a good thing. But there's, there's not not? What, how, how do I how do I say this? You have sometimes negative thoughts, but not the most rosy and cheery thoughts, right? Like I want I just want a moment to myself. And then you feel bad about that. Because this is what you want

Sarah Huffman  1:03:27  
and like pissed off irritated, anything short temper Yeah,

William Huffman  1:03:31  
like, right. So are is there something that you're doing or have learned to help navigate those emotions, just as a mother in general,

Kayla Dutton  1:03:39  
I'd say self care, like prioritizing self care is like, so critical, especially in this season of life. Even if it's just 20 minutes of like, I find working out, just kind of relieves my stress. So I find days where I don't work out. I'm just like super tense and like super agitated. But if I take 20 minutes to work out, go for a walk, get some fresh air. That's super helpful. Also just realizing that everyone's going through similar situations, right? Like, I'll sound so stupid. But like in the middle of the night, like Kalin is going through this phase where he literally wakes up like every two hours, and I'm about to go back to work and three days and I'm like, how the heck am I gonna get through this? So literally, like, when I'm doing this middle of the night feedings, I'll go on Instagram, and I'll see like four other moms green, and they're, I mean, they're like, active and also up. I was like, Okay, if she can do it, I can do. It's like the comparison game. It's super goofy, but honestly,

William Huffman  1:04:34  
if that's what you do to recognize and make it work, that's totally cool. That's awesome.

Sarah Huffman  1:04:40  
But I think that's also really powerful is when you see someone else walking the same path, or in the same season. Like if they can do it. I can do it. Like, on my peloton ride this morning. It was brutal. And I'm like, there are 200 people that have already done this ride today. I gotta finish to like there is just something about that.

William Huffman  1:04:59  
Sorry. If you don't want to use the term season or same path, they're going through the same shit you're going through, right? Like that's just what it is.

Kayla Dutton  1:05:07  
And I've always considered myself a very patient person until I became a mother. I'm like, I really don't have that much patience. It's crazy, man. It's like, Yeah, I've been telling you that for 15

Sarah Huffman  1:05:21  
Well, Matt's not here.

Kayla Dutton  1:05:23  
It can be right everyone.

William Huffman  1:05:24  
Suck it up. Let's go.

Sarah Huffman  1:05:27  
Well, Kayla, I just wanted to thank you so much for coming on and sharing some of this because like the title says, like behind the highlight reel, people might have just thought it was easy for you guys, you know, and it isn't. And so I just wanted to thank you for sharing and being so open with like this path, you have two beautiful little boys, Brody and Kalin and thank you Kalin for coming on today. You've been very well, look at him. Is he sleeping right now?

Kayla Dutton  1:05:55  
Yes, yes, I've got the the finger to the pasty holding it and also what I do at two in the morning,

Sarah Huffman  1:06:02  
like this mom hack. And I really also appreciated how you said like, find those groups, but then in the group, find your person. Because there have been times when I've been in different groups for different things, and it's like, it can really be depressing. And it's like, you have to find that beacon of hope in there to really connect with so that's really a cool thing that you just shared about connecting with people within the group. And what

Kayla Dutton  1:06:29  
I love now, you know, having gone through the journey, you know, twice now nothing is more fulfilling than someone reaching out to me and asking for advice. Like I just I love that and just keep being you know, kind of being their cheerleader through the process and I love it. So if any of you listening are going through something similar I would love to connect with you as well.

William Huffman  1:06:49  
How do they Instagram IG or face IG?

Kayla Dutton  1:06:52  
Okay, well either I'm on everything except, but if they DM you

William Huffman  1:06:55  
d check IG more.

Kayla Dutton  1:06:58  
I check them on Instagram, check them all.

William Huffman  1:07:01  
Is Kayla Dutton? Do you double T Oh,

Sarah Huffman  1:07:04  
you know, the cool thing is my one of my best friend Sarah shaver fitter had a preemie baby should we've had her on the podcast as well. And she feels the same way. Like if I can help another mom going through this or if I can help another, another person in general. Yeah, like, reach out. And I think that is I just think once you've been through something, there is so much power from like, the reach back, like you're gonna like reach back your hand and help someone else, you know, finish whatever they're trying to accomplish or go through the journey together.

Kayla Dutton  1:07:39  

William Huffman  1:07:40  
Cool. All right. Well, we already know your restaurants and that's okay. So I think let's go ahead and wrap this up. And thank you so much for being here. And as always, we out basis.

Accouncer  1:07:52  
tune in each week. For more in depth conversations about life behind the highlight reel. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform to make sure you never miss an episode. For today's show notes head over to lb